Not a Great Day

Today was one of those days. I would be remiss if I quantified it as a "bad" day because, in light of real tragedy and suffering, this doesn't even make the ranks. But, I sure didn't have a great day.

I awoke to a 5am mediocre workout. Lately, I have been waking up with hefty to-do lists and since I am totally electronic, I stubbornly refuse to write anything down on paper and mentally review the list that is hidden on my phone somewhere. So, I pretty much repeatedly "task" things in my head.

Even though I had an early start, my actual departure time from my home after the other usual morning routine was MUCH later than planned. So, I mentally re-arranged things and skipped to the 'urgent' needs of my kids. Grace is leaving for Arizona tomorrow so, she needed a few things at Ulta. Noah was out early because of finals so, he reluctantly joined us.

Apparently I took toddlers disguised as teenagers shopping. Picture a girly girl in Ulta (who recently lost a make-up bag...grrr) and a hulking pubescent 15 year old discovering the novelty of round-brushes and you can see my fun. After about 30 aimless minutes and many mindless 'no, we don't need that', and 'oh, ok's' we all hit a breaking point. And, here is why we broke:

I am pretty convinced I was lost somewhere in the thoughts and tangents of my mind at this point. And, in my head was: I did not get the things done that I should have, but it's ok because I had a great lunch with my daughter and I am shopping with my kids. Earlier, I reassured Jeremy that she did not technically lose $100 worth of makeup, it was really only $40. But, as I am eyeing that shopping basket she is holding I am seeing a Benjamin. Also, as cool as it is having my son invite himself to shop with us; he is now clipping my heels and twirling a round brush in his hair. And then, the kids attacked each other. So, I paid, walked out to the car and fell over the edge.

It was one of those moments where I am definitely right on so many levels but, completely wrong in my delivery. And, at the ripe old age of 36, I overly dramatized it...shocker. As if the drama wasn't enough, I belabored the issue. Yes, I nagged....and nagged. And, lectured.

Next, I was relegated to drive Noah to a lacrosse practice about 30 minutes away. Normally, Jeremy transports to these practices but, he was busy and I figured I would shop somewhere nearby or nap in the car. As Noah slept in the car, my mind went into a tailspin. I re-hashed my less than stellar attempt to put my kids in their place and that silly 'to-do' list haunted me. It seems trivial when I look back at it now but, I was feeling a bit funky as I unknowingly drove to the WRONG practice location.

Yes, my son was sleeping and I never drive. He woke up and had a minor flip-out. Thankfully, I can google and I have a NAV system in my car so we were quickly on track and made it to the field on time. Except...there was no practice. As I sat in the car and defended my poor parenting performance to my husband on the phone, my son was questioning me via text from down on the field. He couldn't find his team. I consulted the master schedule and realized I was off a day (more on this in a second) and decided to not act as annoyed as I really was and laughed it all off. Noah and I went to 7-11 for a Slurpee and at this point, I am feeling mildly victorious and all was well even as we battled the I-15 traffic.

I arrived home to a flurry of studying for finals, packing for AZ and a partial celebration of Father's Day. It will be the first Father's Day that we are not all together so, we attempted to recognize it in some way. For the most part, the day was averaging a 'C' and my eyeballs only hurt a little bit. LOL.

Then, a comment on my Facebook post lamenting my pointless drive alerted me to the fact that we had missed practice. The practice time had been moved and as I broke out in a cold sweat, I searched my inbox. Sadly, I overlooked an e-mail and was the only one to blame for this faux pas. I really can't convey how seriously my son takes these things but, I KNEW he would be upset when he found out. He was at youth group (the attendance of which was considered a blessing since 'there was no practice'...LOL) and I am a confessor so, I watched the clock for the better part of an hour waiting for him to come home.

He was obviously a little angered at first but, in the end we all chalked it up to an honest mistake. After the kids were in bed, and I de-briefed the day with Jeremy, he looked at me and said, 'so, not a great day for you then?' I seriously had to laugh out loud and tell you about it.

Jackpot!

I took the kids to 7-11 yesterday for Slurpees after Grace's lacrosse game. A woman in line ahead of us was buying lottery tickets. Curious, we asked if the Mega Millions was really at $244 million. After a yes from the store clerk my next question was, 'when is the next drawing?' After she answered, Noah piped in with a 'do it, Mom'. Grace just looked at me and smiled so, I said to the lady, 'I'll take two. One for you Noah and one for you Grace.' We all hopped in the car and Jeremy just smiled as I tucked them safely in my wallet. I have NEVER played the lotto and I am certainly not condoning it, encouraging it nor do I struggle with gambling. It was on a whim and just for fun.

About an hour later, as I was making dinner and Noah was sitting in the kitchen on the computer doing homework, he asks:

"What if you win mom?"

"I don't know. That would be crazy. I'd buy the church building first and then probably find a lot of ways to spend it."

"Yeah, it'd be cool if you won. But, it would be even cooler if someone won that actually needed it."

To this I just smiled and thought....good point son, good point.

The Comparison Game

My children are 23 months apart. In fact, Noah's birthday is October 31, 1995 and Grace's due date was slated for October 30, 1997. Apparently she was overly eager to join our family and made a dramatic entrance 4 and a half weeks early on September 27th. Although Noah was in a 'not so obedient phase' at this time, he was always good to his sister. They were seriously like two peas in a pod. He was aggressive, and she was passive. He talked for himself and also for her. He gave up any prized possession in his hands just to keep her quiet. (she definitely had a way about her...still does) He was a late start kindergartner for a few reasons and one was, 'what what would Grace and I do at home without him? Why rush things?' So here we are, 15 years later with a freshman and an eighth grader who are trying to make their own way and live in and amongst each others shadows.

A little history:

Noah: I could have left him on a corner at age 2 and he would find a way to a) make it home or b) find a new family

Grace: She was my back pocket child. She literally, held onto my back pocket while out in public for at least five years.

Noah: He was far away from me and as out of sight as possible at a park or the beach.

Grace: She was in my lap or behind my chair in a "tent" made out of a sheet draped over the back.

As normal parents would, Jeremy and I tended to quantify and parent according to obvious, outward personality patterns. That didn't necessarily present itself as wrong or a crisis but, it has proved to make this recent year interesting. Now, back to present day:

This school year was the first time Noah and Grace were not together every day. And, as they each entered into new life experiences we have learned and ARE learning a few key things:

1) Noah casts a big shadow.

2) Grace is up to the challenge. And, the "goose" wants to fly.

3) Noah is practical and black and white.

4) Grace is a thinker, intuitive and wants to really think things through.

5) Noah performs naturally well athletically.

6) Grace will spend an hour in her room telling you about her art and writing, meanwhile she places first in cross county, 3rd in a cheer competition, takes up lacrosse and gets pretty aggressive playing basketball....all in the same week.

7) Academically, they are radically different but both doing very well.

I titled this post 'the comparison game' because it comes up here and there in this house. Each child faces different pressures and challenges and the need for mom and dad's approval only grows. I would never attempt to quantify any phase of parenting in its level of difficulty. I am convinced that when you enter into the parenting realm, you engage in a mission that is bigger than yourself. These children are a gift from God and as parents, we sometimes want to produce bigger and better gifts. Jeremy and I are CONSTANTLY asking God how can we 'slow the roll' and encourage each child in his/her own gifting and not fall into the comparison game.

Even as I get ready to post this and re-read what I have written, I realize that Noah is as close to me as he can be and Grace is always the life of the party. My children, are always growing, always changing. Unique in every way.

Milestones

The past two weeks have a whirlwind of milestones in the McGinty house. And, based on the Facebook posts of many of my friends, there is a season of change for many family's.

June 11th we had the honor of celebrating Noah's graduation from 8th grade. It is amazing how quickly the last 15 years have flown by. As we watched a slideshow of all the students, Noah's baby picture flashed on the screen and my heart skipped a beat. I was so young and a wee bit frightened at the prospect of being responsible for a human being in 1995. Suddenly, it is 2010 and he is sitting on a stage in a cap and gown, graduating with a 4.0 principal honor roll and making silly gestures with all his friends. {deep sigh} Well, we have made it this far.

That same evening, my baby girl was promoted to the 8th grade. This is particularly exciting since it will be the first time in 8 years that she has been at a school without her brother. Although my kids are very close and get along really well (relatively speaking), she is looking very forward to the new school year.

Yesterday, my son practiced for the first time as a freshman on the high school field. Now, that is weird. Just when we passed the 8th grade milestone, seeing him compete against seniors reminded me that things are not slowing down anytime soon.

Today, I sent Grace off to junior high camp all by herself. Well, she was with other campers of course, but she was without her big brother. It was so bittersweet. She was all smiles as I drove away and since she spent two days packing and preparing, I know that this is something she needs to do all by herself.

I was telling Jeremy this morning that there is so much change on the horizon. Although there is that sad, 'saying goodbye to the way things have always' sort of feeling; there is also a lot of excitement. Noah is counting down the days to football and high school already. Grace is counting down the days to cheer (another thing she is doing without her brother being on the football team) and 8th grade. Most likely it is just me that is lamenting the impending loss of my two peas in a pod. After all, I waited to put Noah in kindergarten so he could have a scholastic advantage and because I wanted him home with Grace and I for one more year. But, I am slowly warming to the changes and look forward to what lies ahead.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..." Ecclesiastes 3:1

Books I am Reading

I have a couple of books by Dr. Dobson that I am currently reading: Bringing Up Boys and Bringing Up Girls.

Yesterday, I was reading Bringing up Girls and stumbled upon a few key pieces of information in chapter 4. Two specific sentences struck me: 1.)'Though estimates vary, it appears that males use about seven thousand words per day; and females, twenty thousand.' (p.33) 2.) 'There will come a time when they will be talking primarily to their peers, and the missed opportunities for understanding and intimacy today will be costly down the road.' (p.34)

Needless to say, I promptly book marked my spot and invited Grace to make dinner with me. I was met with a 'Mom, can I show you plans for my room first?' Wow, my lesson in action could not have been more appropriate. You see, Grace has been talking endlessly about this bedroom redo. She is soon to be 13 and is insistent on a more "mature" room. And, to my discredit, I tune some of it out since the plans are forever changing. But, in this moment I surprised myself and answered a quick, 'Sure!' This answer was not as easy at it sounds because I was on a time constraint and inviting her to MAKE dinner was already a huge deal for me. (I am a bit of a control freak in the kitchen)

So, off to her room we went and measured dimensions and talked and talked and talked and planned and mentally moved every piece of furniture. And, I patiently sat through a virtual room makeover online. Then, the sweetest thing happened. She asked my opinion. This may seem obvious to some but, in this family, Grace is the more stylish and creative one. All in all, it really only took 15 minutes of my time and we still prepared dinner together. It's a small victory but, I pray that I would continue to slow down and listen to all the chatter and random talk.

Take a Breath and Relax

I just returned from lunch with a dear friend and mentor. She is a mother of four children. Three of her children are grown and out of the house and her youngest daughter is a 17 year old college student (yes, I said college) that lives at home with her parents. Although dear friend and I talked about a myriad of things ranging from iPhone apps to medical mysteries, our conversation settled mostly around parenting. And I was all ears, hoping to glean as much information and inspiration as possible.

One thing that I truly cherish about my friend is her willingness to admit her failures and her successes. This past weekend she had the privilege of speaking at a mother-daughter retreat for 4th, 5th and 6th grade girls. Admittedly, this was a phase of life where she struggled with her youngest daughter. So, with fresh and experienced eyes she was able to really see and hear the struggles of some mothers. At one point she said to me: "Of all the things that I wanted to say this weekend, I really just wanted to pull some mothers aside and say, take a breath and relax."

'Take a breath and relax, Sunshine.' I honestly could have heard this straight from God, Himself. I obviously inserted my own name for dramatic effect because dear friend certainly didn't call me out like that. But, thankfully He used dear friend as a mouthpiece this morning because, I really needed to hear that. She continued on to clarify her broad statement by recounting all the test score, reading level, social drama concerns that some mothers had recounted. She finished her statement by saying: "I could sense their fear and I really wanted to reassure them that they wouldn't ruin their little girls."

Yes, the 2 by 4 left a mark. And yes, the wallop felt good. Well, not great but...needed.

I am just being honest here. I do live in fear that I will ruin "my girl". Not all of the time but, definitely some of the time. Sometimes more times than I would prefer. In 1 John 4:18 it says, 'There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...' And, I know that this perfect love comes from Jesus alone. And, however hard I try, there is no perfect parenting in me.

So, I am going to let myself off the hook for all the things I have done "wrong" and just take a breath and relax.

The Perfect Gift

My children cleaned the whole house while I was at church this morning!

The dishes were done and the kitchen was spotless. Grace mopped the kitchen floor and cleaned the bathroom mirrors. The house was dusted, vacuumed and Noah folded laundry! And for effect, Grace lit candles. Wow, Happy Mother's Day to me.

I really must tell you how much this truly blesses me. I joked to a friend today that I was pretty spoiled already and there wasn't much I "wanted". Yesterday, I got a manicure and a pedicure and treated myself to frozen yogurt while the kids were away at friends homes. Jeremy picked up takeout last night while I cozied up in a comfy chair and watched the Lakers. Today, I had a nap planned and I just woke up. I had pretty much indulged in every Mother's Day "treat". So, this act of service was such a surprise.

I am a firm believer that we all give and receive love in different ways. Some of us like physical touch, some prefer words of affirmation and some, myself included, use service as a way of expressing love. I honestly love to serve my family. The things I do as a mother to make their life easier and more enjoyable, bring me joy. (Most of the time.) I have to giggle a bit and confess that sometimes I do complain about excessive laundry, cooking, dishes etc. But, in general doing the "mom" things is just what I do.

So, today was a special treat. I know I sound cliche when I say, I couldn't have asked for anything more. It made me feel like they really do notice all the things I do for them. I mean, they say "thank you" quite often but, today they showed thank you.

And, although I am giving all the thanks to my kids, I have a sneaking suspicion my husband was the mastermind behind the gift. So, thanks to all three of you for blessing me today. Noah and Grace had better watch out though. Now that I have seen their potential in housecleaning, we may need to up the ante in chores. But, that is a whole other blog post.