The Comparison Game

My children are 23 months apart. In fact, Noah's birthday is October 31, 1995 and Grace's due date was slated for October 30, 1997. Apparently she was overly eager to join our family and made a dramatic entrance 4 and a half weeks early on September 27th. Although Noah was in a 'not so obedient phase' at this time, he was always good to his sister. They were seriously like two peas in a pod. He was aggressive, and she was passive. He talked for himself and also for her. He gave up any prized possession in his hands just to keep her quiet. (she definitely had a way about her...still does) He was a late start kindergartner for a few reasons and one was, 'what what would Grace and I do at home without him? Why rush things?' So here we are, 15 years later with a freshman and an eighth grader who are trying to make their own way and live in and amongst each others shadows.

A little history:

Noah: I could have left him on a corner at age 2 and he would find a way to a) make it home or b) find a new family

Grace: She was my back pocket child. She literally, held onto my back pocket while out in public for at least five years.

Noah: He was far away from me and as out of sight as possible at a park or the beach.

Grace: She was in my lap or behind my chair in a "tent" made out of a sheet draped over the back.

As normal parents would, Jeremy and I tended to quantify and parent according to obvious, outward personality patterns. That didn't necessarily present itself as wrong or a crisis but, it has proved to make this recent year interesting. Now, back to present day:

This school year was the first time Noah and Grace were not together every day. And, as they each entered into new life experiences we have learned and ARE learning a few key things:

1) Noah casts a big shadow.

2) Grace is up to the challenge. And, the "goose" wants to fly.

3) Noah is practical and black and white.

4) Grace is a thinker, intuitive and wants to really think things through.

5) Noah performs naturally well athletically.

6) Grace will spend an hour in her room telling you about her art and writing, meanwhile she places first in cross county, 3rd in a cheer competition, takes up lacrosse and gets pretty aggressive playing basketball....all in the same week.

7) Academically, they are radically different but both doing very well.

I titled this post 'the comparison game' because it comes up here and there in this house. Each child faces different pressures and challenges and the need for mom and dad's approval only grows. I would never attempt to quantify any phase of parenting in its level of difficulty. I am convinced that when you enter into the parenting realm, you engage in a mission that is bigger than yourself. These children are a gift from God and as parents, we sometimes want to produce bigger and better gifts. Jeremy and I are CONSTANTLY asking God how can we 'slow the roll' and encourage each child in his/her own gifting and not fall into the comparison game.

Even as I get ready to post this and re-read what I have written, I realize that Noah is as close to me as he can be and Grace is always the life of the party. My children, are always growing, always changing. Unique in every way.