Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Take a Breath and Relax

I just returned from lunch with a dear friend and mentor. She is a mother of four children. Three of her children are grown and out of the house and her youngest daughter is a 17 year old college student (yes, I said college) that lives at home with her parents. Although dear friend and I talked about a myriad of things ranging from iPhone apps to medical mysteries, our conversation settled mostly around parenting. And I was all ears, hoping to glean as much information and inspiration as possible.

One thing that I truly cherish about my friend is her willingness to admit her failures and her successes. This past weekend she had the privilege of speaking at a mother-daughter retreat for 4th, 5th and 6th grade girls. Admittedly, this was a phase of life where she struggled with her youngest daughter. So, with fresh and experienced eyes she was able to really see and hear the struggles of some mothers. At one point she said to me: "Of all the things that I wanted to say this weekend, I really just wanted to pull some mothers aside and say, take a breath and relax."

'Take a breath and relax, Sunshine.' I honestly could have heard this straight from God, Himself. I obviously inserted my own name for dramatic effect because dear friend certainly didn't call me out like that. But, thankfully He used dear friend as a mouthpiece this morning because, I really needed to hear that. She continued on to clarify her broad statement by recounting all the test score, reading level, social drama concerns that some mothers had recounted. She finished her statement by saying: "I could sense their fear and I really wanted to reassure them that they wouldn't ruin their little girls."

Yes, the 2 by 4 left a mark. And yes, the wallop felt good. Well, not great but...needed.

I am just being honest here. I do live in fear that I will ruin "my girl". Not all of the time but, definitely some of the time. Sometimes more times than I would prefer. In 1 John 4:18 it says, 'There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...' And, I know that this perfect love comes from Jesus alone. And, however hard I try, there is no perfect parenting in me.

So, I am going to let myself off the hook for all the things I have done "wrong" and just take a breath and relax.
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3 comments:

  1. UnknownMay 11, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    You mean you had lunch with my mom? ;)

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  2. Lisa PetersonMay 11, 2010 at 4:30 PM

    Thanks for being so honest. It is hard to not live in fear of screwing up our kids and at times it's hard not to look at them and think "I've already screwed them up, how do I fix this" Maybe it's not ours to fix, maybe it's something that our child needs to work it out with God. It's so hard to let go sometimes.

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  3. AliceMay 11, 2010 at 5:42 PM

    So true. Struggling with the teen test scores it does make one wonder "what if I had...." Thanks for that reminder that we need to let ourselves off the hook ('cause Satan would love to keep us on the hook ya know). Alice

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